2023 Pittsburgh Penguins Wrapped

Spotify Wrapped season is upon us, so I thought I’d put out a fun piece where I assign each Pittsburgh Penguin on the active NHL.com roster to one of my top songs in 2023. I’ll match each Penguin, by number, to the corresponding song on my ‘Your Top Songs of 2023’ playlist.

Example: my 96th most listened to song in 2023 was Just Like Heaven by The Cure. If the Penguins had a #96, that would be ‘his song.’

Let’s see if any of these work as matches! Some might be a reach, but I refuse to jeopardize my journalistic integrity by lying and trying to find a more fitting song. So, let’s get into it!

Chad Ruhwedel, #2: The Diaz Brothers- The Mountain Goats Ruhwedel— currently injured— is a very dependable, steady 7th defenseman. When forced into a more active role, you might find yourself wanting more from him offensively, but “foretold worse things than such frightful nights as these” sums his play up perfectly. Is he going to win the Norris? No, but you could do much worse than Ruhwedel and his consistently strong defensive awareness.

Ryan Shea, #5: Emotional- The Front Bottoms Shea, who has only played 18 career NHL games, is still clearly getting acclimated to the speed in the NHL. He’s a great skater, but lacks defensive awareness. He makes some plays that make me say “this is not what I would do, but this is not about me.”

John Ludvig, #7: All Night Longer- Sammy Adams “Tell that bartender make that mother f—er stronger, I wanna go all night longer” is a phrase Penguins fans probably resonate with. They’ve lacked a physical presence for some time now, and Ludvig has brought the physicality this team has so desperately lacked.

Drew O’Connor, #10: Foreign Object- The Mountain Goats Since the 2020-21 season, O’Connor has fought to crack the roster and stay up with the big club. This year, he finally seems poised to play a full season, barring injury. After scoring a goal in his 100th game, I’m sure the line “learn to love this kind of atmosphere” resonates with him.

Vinnie Hinostroza, #13: Peace Sign- The Front Bottoms Hinostroza has only played eight games in the black and gold, but his impact in the bottom six was felt immediately. He’s a fast, relentless forechecker that seems to see the game fairly well. Perhaps he relates to the line “(s)he sees the future in mysterious ways!”

Bryan Rust, #17: Gone For Good- The Shins Most people can probably relate to the lyric: “Go back to your hometown, get your feet on the ground.” A native of Pontiac, Michigan, Rust has consistently played well against his hometown team— The Detroit Red Wings. He has three goals and seven assists through 18 games against them. However, the more impressive stat (that I slowly and painfully researched and documented) is how he preforms in games directly after the ones playing Detroit. In 18 career games, Rust has eight goals and six assists.

Reilly Smith, #19: My Own Worst Enemy- Lit Smith is a fairly streaky player. Through the first ten games of the season, Smith had six goals and five assists. Through the last twelve, he has two assists; however, Smith is an elite penalty killer, so even when he isn’t producing offensively, he’s still positively moving the needle. But you can tell that right now, he’s a little frustrated with his lack of scoring. “It’s no surprise to me, I am my own worst enemy.”

Lars Eller, #20: I Touch Myself- The Dollyrots I was skeptical about this signing. I don’t think I’ve eaten enough crow for that. It feels fitting that my favorite new Penguin matches up with the team’s new win song— although, I personally can’t get enough of the Dollyrots cover. Eller is a smart, responsible player than kills penalties and is on the ice defending leads. When he scores, his goals are things of beauty, and certainly make me say “I don’t want anybody else.”

Ryan Graves, #27: Father Finlee- Spence Hood, ft. Justin Ray Stringer Graves, the newest addition to Pittsburgh’s blue line, is listed as 6’5” and 220 pounds. Those measurements alone make the line “every step he takes, Heaven’s angels tremble in his wake” ring true.

Marcus Pettersson, #28: That’s All- Genesis Pettersson doesn’t look like a fighter. Sure, he’s got the height— 6’3”— but at 177 pounds, he’s not exactly a heavyweight. However, that doesn’t stop him from dropping the gloveswith guys way out of his weight class. During his career, Pettersson has fought Radek Faksa, Matt Luff, Mackenzie Weegar, Sam Bennett, Max Domi, Nic Deslauriers, Jonah Gadjovic, Tom Wilson, and Dylan Larkin. Those are some heavyweight opponents for someone who isn’t a great fighter; one could say that Pettersson is “taking it all instead of taking one bite.”

Tristan Jarry, #35: Too Much Time On My Hands- Styx With a record of 8-8-1 on the season, it seems that this Penguins team will go as far as Jarry can take them. The line “I got dozens of friends, and the fun never ends, that is as long as I’m buying” seems pretty darn accurate. And, hey, with a goalie goal now under his belt, it could be said that Jarry has “too much time on his hands.”

Alex Nedeljkovic, #39: Sober- blink-182 After a bad stint in Detroit, Nedeljkovic seems to be rebounding well for the Penguins with a record of 2-2-0, and a .937 SV%. Detroit is a notoriously difficult place for goaltenders to play, and by succeeding in Pittsburgh, Nedeljkovic would be saying “Cuz I bet you, you couldn’t knock me out.”

Jansen Harkins, #43: The Passenger- Iggy Pop Harkins has only played eight games in the Penguins bottom six. He’s a tough player to grade because he just… doesn’t do a lot. He doesn’t negatively impact games, but he doesn’t really positively impact them either. He’s just kind of a passenger. “Oh the passenger, he rides and he rides.”

Dmitri Samorukov, #53: Invisible Touch- Genesis Although he is listed on the Penguins roster (per NHL.com), Samorukov has yet to play a game for Pittsburgh. One could say, “(s)he seems to have an invisible touch, yeah.”

Noel Acciari, #55: I Don’t Mind Falling In Love With You.- milk. There’s a lot to like about Acciari’s game. He leads the team in hits with 44, has blocked 28 shots, and has nine takeaways against two giveaways. Combine that with his ability to score clutch goals (like this beauty against Toronto), and it’s easy to say “I don’t mind falling in love with you.”

Kris Letang, #58: Fresh Tattoo- The Mountain Goats With the arrival of Erik Karlsson, Letang has settled into the role of a true two way defender— and has arguably been Pittsburgh’s second best defensive defender this year. He averages 24:38 TOI per night, and 2:47 of that is shorthanded. He’s been excellent in his new role, and “it takes a certain level of discipline.”

Jake Guentzel, #59: So D*mn Lucky- Dave Matthews Ever since he entered the league, Guentzel has been a fantastic goalscorer. This year, he leads the Penguins in points (27 in 22 games), and his nine goals are only behind Crosby (14), Malkin (10), and Rust (10). Last night, he almost singlehandedly forced a point against Philadelphia by tying the game with the goalie pulled and 20 seconds left on the clock. Pittsburgh is “so d*mn lucky” that Guentzel turned out to be the player he is.

Radim Zohorna, #63: Mr. Brightside- The Killers Zohorna has only played 54 NHL games, but is a solid addition to Pittsburgh’s bottom six. He’s a relentless forechecker who has forced 10 turnovers. He has three goals and three assists through 19 games, and I would say he’s “coming out of his cage and doing just fine.”

Erik Karlsson, #65: Bastards of Young- The Replacements After winning the Norris Trophy last season, Karlsson was traded to Pittsburgh to, hopefully, chase a Cup— or, at the very least, help them be competitive again. I’m sure he didn’t envision being out of the playoff picture in December, but “it beats pickin’ cotton and waitin’ to be forgotten.”

Rickard Rakell, #67: You&I- milk. Rakell is currently on LTIR and is expected to be sidelined long term with an upper-body injury. Before his injury, he had a rough start to the year (four assists in 17 games)— but his absence leaves a vacancy in the top six that the Penguins can’t fill. You could say “I find it hard to focus on anything but (Rakell returning to the lineup) lately.”

Evgeni Malkin, #71: She Calls Me Back- Noah Kahan In 2017, “Mr. 101” was left off of NHL.com’s 100 Greatest Players list in favor of players like Duncan Keith and Jonathan Toews. In the summer of 2022, former General Manager Ron Hextall reportedly wanted to let him walk in free agency. This October, ESPN left him off a list of the top 100 current players— and the 10 honorable mentions— in favor of rookies who hadn’t even played a NHL game. To Malkin, I say: “Does it bite at your edges? Do you lie awake restless?”

Pierre-Olivier Joseph, #73: Cruel Summer- Taylor Swift Pierre-Olivier “P.O.” Joseph is reportedly on the outs in Pittsburgh. He’s currently on IR, but before going down with a lower-body injury, he was healthy scratched in favor of Ryan Shea. As someone who saw a lot of potential in Joseph, all I can say to that is “it’s blue, the feeling I’ve got.”

Jeff Carter, #77: New Romantics (Taylor’s Version)- Taylor Swift At age 38, Jeff Carter is not the most popular Pittsburgh Penguin. Former General Manager Ron Hextall gave him a dangerous extension, and Father Time caught up with him by the time it kicked in. While I personally think he’s played fairly well as of late, Carter gets a lot of misdirected flack from the fanbase for a contract he has no control over. It could be said that Carter “could build a castle out of all the bricks they threw at (him).”

Matt Nieto, #83: Holiday- Green Day Nieto is a smart, defensively responsible bottom sixer. He kills penalties, and is crucial to defending leads in late game situations. After watching so many leads last season slip away in the waning minutes of the game, a player like Nieto is a breath of fresh air; “this is the dawning of the rest of our lives.”

Sidney Crosby, #87: Follow You Follow Me- Genesis It feels fitting that my favorite Penguin lines up with one of my favorite songs by my favorite band. There isn’t anything I can say about Crosby that hasn’t been said a hundred times over. He’s a proven winner; no one works harder, and very few have a better trophy case. Over his career, he’s made the Penguins synonymous with winning. It’s important to remember to appreciate him, because life after Crosby is going to be bleak. But for now, he’s still in the league, he’s still over a point per game on the season, and I can still live in my delusions that he’s never going to retire. Sid, “I hope you’ll always be right here by my side.”

Well, there you have it. Let me know what you think in the comments, and try not to be too mean about my music taste!