I get strange looks from people when I tell them that, even thought I’ve never played, hockey was my first love. I can’t ice skate, and the closest I’ve ever come to lacing ‘em up was floor hockey back in high school gym class. 

But how can I not love the thing that threw me a lifeline when I was at my lowest?

Today, April 25th, is World Penguin Day. Since they missed the playoffs, I thought it might be fun to reflect back on their most glaring issues this season. I can’t think of a better way to pay homage to our flightless birds. So, once more, for all the marbles, here’s a list of their biggest hits.

Back in October, I took a stab at guessing what kind of stats the skaters for the Pittsburgh Penguins would put up. You can read that article here, if you’d like. Here’s one thing about me: I love being right. I’ll make meaningless predictions just for the mere possibility of being able to say “I called it!” When I’m wrong, I don’t mind cutting myself a slice of humble pie.

So, let’s get into it. Feel free to let me have it in the comment section.

For the second consecutive year, the Stanley Cup Playoffs will not include the Pittsburgh Penguins. However, while Pittsburgh may have missed the cut, there are 21 former Penguins in the postseason. So, without further ado, here is a ranking of all 16 playoff teams... based on how many former Penguins they have on their active roster. In the case of a tie, GPwP (Games Played with Pittsburgh) will be the tie breaker.

For the second consecutive year, the Pittsburgh Penguins were eliminated from playoff contention as they sat idle. For the second consecutive year, they played a meaningless game 82. In many ways, this team deserves their fate.

Last year, on Fan Appreciation Night, the Pittsburgh Penguins hosted the Chicago Blackhawks. They had full control over their playoff destiny. They lost that game 5-2, and were eliminated from playoff contention while idle the next night.

Tonight— Fan Appreciation Night once again— was slightly different. After losing to the Bruins on Saturday and falling one point behind in the wild card race, tonight was a must win game for Pittsburgh. And by God, did they ever rise to the occasion.

Think of the 2023-24 Pittsburgh Penguins. Think of the flaws that continue to haunt them.

Power play struggles. Goals allowed in quick succession. Defensive lapses. Tonight’s game against the Boston Bruins had it all.

On Thursday, April 11th, at exactly 9:50 PM, PPG Paints Arena erupted into a screaming sea of black and gold. On the ice, Erik Karlsson, who had just scored the overtime winner, fell to his knees with his arms raised over his head, like he had just crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of shit-smelling foulness I can’t even imagine.

He wasn’t wrongfully convicted of murder. There was no rock hammer, no Bible, and certainly no poster of Raquel Welch. But tonight, Erik Karlsson redeemed himself.

Well, well, well. For the first time since November 14th, the Pittsburgh Penguins currently occupy one of the two remaining Eastern Conference playoff spots. Just twelve days ago, they were nine points out of a playoff spot. But that doesn’t matter anymore.

For the Pittsburgh Penguins, beating the New Jersey Devils has been a tough ask in recent years. The Devils have simply had their number. In fact, the Penguins had lost seven straight against them. But yesterday, for the first time since 2/13/2022, when the final horn sounded, the Penguins were the team that stayed on the ice to congratulate their goalie.

With less than a month to go in the 2023-24 regular season, five teams in the Eastern Conference have all but secured their spot in the playoffs, leaving just three spots up for grabs: third in the metro, and two wildcard teams. In a strange turn of events, there are currently eight teams that have between twelve and fourteen games remaining, and are all still technically competing for a ticket to the dance.

It’s all but official: by tomorrow, Jake Guentzel will be wearing a different uniform.

Happy Leap Day to all. I hope you’re well-rested, because the Penguins play game two of their west coast trip, and the puck won’t drop until after 10 pm EST. So, drink a coffee, take a nap, and get ready to watch the Penguins take on the Seattle Kraken at Climate Pledge Arena.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: Sidney Crosby was absolutely dominant this afternoon against the rival Philadelphia Flyers. With a goal and three assists, the Captain did what he does best, and drug his team into the fight.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: Sidney Crosby is singlehandedly willing the Pittsburgh Penguins to success— or, at least, in last night’s case, a point.

This isn’t some hot take or new revelation. I’m reiterating a statement that’s been said a hundred times over. But being in awe of Crosby’s continued elite play isn’t beating a dead horse; he continues to amaze, game in and game out.

After starting the year 3-6-0, the Penguins have rattled off a win streak to climb out of the basement.

After four days off following their back-to-back wins over Washington and Calgary, the Pittsburgh Penguins headed into Hockeytown for a showdown with the red hot Detroit Red Wings.

The 2023-24 NHL season has officially started. Before it gets too late, I’m going to throw my hat in the ring and attempt to predict the Pittsburgh Penguins players’ points totals, using the opening night lineup.

It's been a long offseason of questions surrounding three-time Norris winner Erik Karlsson, and now we finally have our answers.